FIRST BLOG POST OMG - FOR ALL MY LATE BLOOMERS! NOW IS THE TIME!

Never in a million years did I ever think I would live through a pandemic quarantined in my home. I’m sure many of you are thinking the same thing. It’s really hard to accept this new reality. I’m not sure I really have. There is a part of me that thinks this will go away soon, while another part of me is preparing for the worst. 

Will this Coronavirus affect anyone I know? Will I lose anyone I love? How can I help others who are less fortunate than me during this time? The list of questions and worries that run through my head are endless. It’s overwhelming and as a person who struggles with severe anxiety, I needed an escape from all of this madness. Writing is my escape. 

For the past two years I’ve been struggling with “really” launching my blog. Mainly because I doubted myself or was too afraid of what people would think of me. I don’t know about you, but there is something about the current state of this world that has pushed me into a state of fearlessness to pursue my dreams. We really do only have one life. How can we use this time of quarantine to dig deep inside of our souls and find the dreams we buried a long time ago?

You have them, I know you do. What are they? Why did you bury them? What made you give up? In the midst of all this sadness and uncertainty I want to believe there is a silver lining. There has to be some good that can come out of this for each of us. So with that being said, here is my first blog post. 

My dream is to be a successful blogger/writer. I want to connect with you, inspire you and be a light for you in this place of darkness that we are all in and feel so immensely. My hope is that through my writing and personal experiences, I can create bonds and relationships with people with whom I’ve never even met. I’m a novice writer. I’ll probably get so much wrong, but at this point I have nothing left to lose. So let me tell you a little bit about my struggle with pursuing my dreams. 

I’m a late bloomer. I always have been! I never do anything right the first time around and I’ve always watched everyone else fulfill their dreams first. Have you ever read the fable The Hare and Tortoise? If not , here is the link! It’s totally a children’s story BUT it’s also still a story we can learn from even as adults and something that came to mind when I decided to write this post. I’m definitely the tortoise and am sure many of you are too. 

My interpretation of the fable is we all aren’t running at the same pace in life, but it doesn’t mean we still can’t win the race or that we should give up when someone reaches the finish line faster than us! The problem is, most of us do.

It’s really easy to get sidetracked as you watch everyone from the sidelines accomplishing their dreams. You’re there rooting them on, but secretly wishing you could get it together and accomplish your dreams too. We all have dreams. We all have goals, but why is it so hard to reach them? Why do we talk ourselves out of pursuing what is in our hearts? Why do we just not believe in ourselves? 

We make things so much more complicated than they need to be. We compare our lives to others and tell ourselves we will never be like them for so many reasons. We think we aren’t smart enough, qualified enough, pretty/handsome enough, skinny enough, young enough...the list goes on right? I personally struggle with thinking all these things along with procrastination and laziness! 

I am the procrastination queen! Crown me with the title and all of its glory! You will catch me saying I am going to do all of the things and then five minutes later I’m engrossed in 90 Day Fiance and forget it I’m gone! There is no coming back for me once you get me in front of the TV! 

Instagram is also a deep dark hole, but I kind of love it! I’m extremely addicted to it! Does anyone else ever feel like you don’t even know how you picked up your phone and pressed the Instagram icon? It’s like you’re possessed or your brain has this weird power to log on to Insta without you really knowing it! Send help please! 

All kidding aside, when I say I am a late bloomer I really am! I’m a high school drop out! I don’t think anyone ever thought there was hope for me! I hated school. I thought I wasn’t smart. I was causing ruckus, hanging out with gangs and cutting school everyday to visit my boyfriend halfway across town. The cherry on top is, I was also actively trying to get pregnant at fifteen. Many people thought I was a lost cause...a loser with no future. My poor parents had their hands full. I don’t regret how I grew up. I regret the personal choices I made and the people I hurt. 

I could blame my fuck ups on the people I hung out with, my parents not giving me attention or the crazy, psychotic boyfriend I had in high school, but I won’t! I won’t because at the end of the day I made bad choices. Being young is not an excuse to say I didn’t know what I was doing. I knew exactly what I was doing. I just didn’t know how it would affect my life in the long run. 

When you’re young you sometimes lack the ability to see the future. I think it’s the one time we all actually live in the present. When you get older and become an adult you realize time is fading quickly and you now have to deal with the repercussions of the bad choices you made as a kid/young adult. You realize you’re the tortoise and everyone is passing you up! It’s really discouraging isn’t it? 

More so because half of us don’t even know who we are, who we want to be or what we want to do. On the outside it might look like some of us have done well for ourselves. We have good jobs and live a pretty comfortable life, but if you feel like something is missing it’s for a reason and only you know that reason! Now is the time to really explore these feelings and do something about it! So what if you’ve made a few bad choices...you still have time to make some right ones. 

My fellow tortoises there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The race to graduate from college was a race I never thought I could win! I did eventually end up graduating from college! I had to go to community college first, which is TOTALLY FINE! There is nothing wrong with community college! I had such an amazing support system there…seriously the best teachers, counselor and peers I could ask for! They were my angels sent from God and I couldn’t have done it without them. I did end up transferring to a university after three years. 

The struggle was real. It took me six years, which is two years longer than it takes the average person to finish their undergraduate degree. Even though the odds were against me, I still won that race! There is so much more to this story and I plan on digging deeper into it with you on another post. I went through so much during that period in my life. It was a very traumatic time for me and I do want to share in depth how it shaped my life and made me who I am today. 

I guess the question I have for myself is...if I could accomplish that why am I so afraid to pursue what’s next? I know the answer. I was so much more confident in my abilities back then because I was surrounded by people who uplifted me and believed in me. As soon as I started working in Corporate America that all changed for me. I lost my confidence because I was surrounded by a ton of people who I felt were far more successful and smarter than me...the former high school dropout. 

I crawled back into my shell and let the compare game mess me up! Our struggles will be different from one another, but the common denominator will be the choices we make to create change in our lives. I truly believe we are all capable of reaching our full potential. We just have to be brave enough to take the steps necessary to get there. 

In short, we all have a gift...a talent that God blessed us with. Deep down inside you know what that is. If you aren’t happy with where you are in your life, do something about it! Take this time in quarantine to reach for the stars! Don’t just play on Insta all day or watch TV! Take a break and even if you just sit in silence, reflect on what you really want in life and make it happen. Take the leap! Fall down and get back up! There are more races we need to win! 

Me finally posting on my blog is me following my dream. What is your dream? Share it with me! I want to know! I want to encourage you not to give up and to see the value you provide in this crazy life! Let’s do this together! Remember you are the only one who can make your dreams come true! There will be people along the way who will encourage you and inspire you, but it is you who holds the true power of your destiny. 

“The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential...these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence.” - Confucius